A Journey to Marriage (Part 1)

I stood in front of the mirror, my eyes tightly shut and a huge grin plastered on my face.
My marriage was fixed!
I was to marry a man - someone who will fulfill half of my deen, someone I can share my thoughts with, someone who will hold me and tell me it's okay, someone who will love me in and out, and most importantly, someone who will take me to Jannah.
It was finally happening!
'Hadiyah', my mum called.
My palms were sweating and my heart was like a beaten punching bag.
I had to go down for the sudden engagement ceremony, happening with just his family and mine. Nice and simple.
Simple my foot!
I had to go down and face them. Face him. Oh my god!
Looking up at myself, I took a few deep breaths; a poor attempt to conceal my excitement. Converting my grin into a shy smile, I made my way downstairs.
Time to get engaged...

@silencereveals

'Twas night time

Then road was damp. The sun had just set. And so did the realisation of reality. I pulled over on the side of the road, took a deep, yet shaky breath, and looked outside.
My destination, you ask? Nowhere. Somewhere. Anywhere. I just had to escape...I just had to get away from everything. All those voices in my head, all that pain inside me, it was just building a wall up against my ribcage. Had I held it in any longer, I'd be pretty sure my heartbeat would seperate from my blood pumping organ.
So I sat there. Looking into the darkness. I tilted my head to one side a little, as I let my mind become submissive to the extended moment. The darkness of the night sky, the darkness of my turned off car, everything reflected my internal turmoil. Should I escape? Or could I make things better? Should I get out of this hell, or should I return and convert it to heaven.
I could hear the voices again, clamouring against my skull.

Suddenly, my vision became spotty. Large, dark spots overtook my sight. I felt my body fall slowly, as the darkness off the night accepted me with open arms...
- silencereveals

Submissive

I sat in my room.
It was 3 am
and absolutely dark outside.
Wrapped up in my blanket,
drowning in tears,
I silently begged for the pain
to go...
My floral quilt covet and bed sheet
turned black...
so did my walls
so did my floor
and before I knew it,
I was a submissive
to the darkness
and the night stood dominant...
- silencereveals

Bibi Zainab (a.s)

Dark Nights

'twas a dark night.
sounds barely noticeable,
became louder than one can bare.
the ticking of the clock,
the gushing of the wind,
the sound of my own breathing,
became suffocating.
my grip on the blanket loosened,
as suddenly,
everything became silent.

- silencereveals

Illahi

Illahi,
there's nothing hidden from you. You are aware of the current state of my heart and mind.
You see my daily battles, you hear the unspoken words of my wishes and gratitude.
I wanted to say - I trust you.
I believe in you Ya Rabb.
If there's tears in my eyes now, you will make them glisten with happiness.
If there are sounds of sobbing from my mouth now, you will turn them into echos of laughter.
You have a plan, and I believe in it.
I'm waiting Allah; show me a miracle and change everything.
Make me happy illahi, make me happy.

I believe in you.

- silencereveals

Please... Don't

'Please...don't... I beg you get off!' she cried.
He ignored her and smiled, was it too late to hide?
For despite her screams, despite her hot tears,
He stole her innocence and became one of her most biggest fears.
He pinned her down with his mountain like arms,
Powerless and submissive, she digged her nails in her palms.
Blood had been shed from more places that one,
What changed her whole life, was for him a bit of fun.
She walked home shameful with her head held low,
She stood under the shower, no one must know.
She dragged her feet to her once comfortable bed.
Stained like tall roses with thorns dripping with red.
She closed her eyes and became submissive to the night,
Her nails clenched in her palms and her heart squeezed tight.
- silencereveals